Mama's Got A Stoma: The Last Stage is Acceptance

Hello all!

So much has happened since Valentine's Day so let's get to it!

I spent this weekend attending the UOAA Mid-Atlantic Regional Conference that was held in Virginia. The Northern Virginia ASG (Associated Support Group) was our gracious host and coordinator.

This was my second conference as an ostomate. It was a different experience for a few reasons. When I attended the National Conference in Jacksonville, FL last summer I was one of 400. This weekend was attended by, I'm estimating, 125. It was a more intimate experience overall and I was much more comfortable approaching people and making new friends.

I also attended this conference by myself. BY MYSELF. In July, my sister came with me. Having a companion was a blessing and a curse. I had someone to talk to, attend sessions with, and eat meals with, but I also think that I held back a little and let myself be a little more reserved. Not having my sister this weekend took away my crutch so I had to "man-up" and talk to strangers.

There's one topic that kept popping up this weekend that I wanted to share with my readers.

Many of the speakers spoke about how, when you get ostomy surgery, it is normal to go through a grieving process. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Just think about it, your body has been cut into, chopped up, and re-routed. Your body will never be "normal" again. It will never be "complete" again. The loss of that normal and complete body is a huge loss. As humans, we grieve when we lose a family member or a friend. It only makes sense that, as ostomates, we all had to go through a grieving process to mourn the loss of our normal selves.

I remember too well the overwhelming feelings I had after my surgery. I remember feeling out of control and emotional. In hindsight, I can see that I was going through the stages of grief. The first three passed pretty quickly but I know I was stuck in depression for a very long time. I still have moments when I get overwhelmingly sad that this is the path my life has taken. I still have mornings when I don't want to get out of bed because I ate a bag of popcorn without drinking enough water and my stomach hurts. There are days that I don't want to shower because I know if I do I'll have to do an entire bag change and that just seems like so much work.

But then there are mornings when I wake up and feel overwhelmingly grateful to be alive. There are days when I realize I have been at the park or walking around Target and I haven't had to gather up the Mancub and run to the restroom (multiple times) doubled over in pain. There are weekends when I have the opportunity to meet amazing people who, otherwise, would never have been in my life.

I want to share with you all some pictures from this weekend.

I'll add more as I receive them!