Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween to all (both?) of my readers!!

Now that Mancub is almost a 3 year old, I am looking forward to Halloween festivities more than I have in the past several years. He is dressing up like Jake, from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. SO CUTE.

To all my friends, have a great and safe night, no matter what your plans are.
To my fellow ostomates, remember to chew, chew, chew, as lots of halloween candy contains nuts! (Also, remember that red 40 will come out red on the other end, so don't freak out that you may be bleeding to death. Just trust me.)

Milestone of a sort

It finally happened today! Public stoma noise!!!!
Hahahahahaha!!!
Okay, I can't say that I have never had stoma noise while outside of my house before. I have. We all have. Today was the first day for it to happen in a quiet classroom. I was sitting in my Hospitality Law class, typing my notes and "bbbrrrrrrrrrrr" went my side. I quickly put a hand over it to stifle any additional noise. It took all of my will power not to start giggling. What can I say, I'm a tad immature. I'm 80% sure no one heard/cared/knew what it was.
For those who do not have ostomies: stoma noise is passing gas. It happens to everyone. Everybody Poops Farts. The average person has, shall we say, different ways of withholding their flatulence. I, and others with ostomies, do not.
Generally I have it worked out so that this is not an issue and I'll get back to that. Soon after surgery, everyone has a lot of gas. After some time your body figures itself out and the constant loud embarrassing gas isn't generally a problem. The same things will cause gas in ostomates; broccoli, beans, greasy foods. I was also told to be careful with chewing gum and soda because of all the extra air they introduce into the system. Now, just like everything, no one is the same as the person next to them. Different foods cause problems for different people.
Like I said, I have it worked out pretty well that I don't have ostomy issues in public, especially at school. For me, I have the most "activity" in the mornings. I have found that I can avoid excessive gas and/or filling up my pouch while I'm in class by drinking water right after I wake up to get things "moving." I also try to eat breakfast before class. I have less gas if I have something in my stomach. Once I get to school I can empty my pouch and go to class without having to worry about getting up in the middle of lecture. I have a break for lunch and empty again before the next class.
It is really important to me to have this schedule. It helps me have peace of mind when I'm at school. I'm still pretty new to this lifestyle and I like feeling like I have some control over my day.

Scope it Out

A short update!
I had a scope done yesterday through my stoma. Since I have been experiencing symptoms that could be the Crohn's Disease (or just tummy aches and diarrhea) my doctor ordered the scope to take a look at my small intestines to see if there is any inflammation. I'll tell you one thing, not having to do a bowel prep is a nice change. I had to be on a clear liquid diet on the day before and nothing the day of the procedure. (They let me cheat and have water up until 4 hours prior because of my tendency to dehydrate extremely quickly.)

Great news! Everything that they could see in the 25cm of intestine that they checked, looks perfect. I am ordered to do a CT scan and follow-up appointment, but I am grateful for the uplifting news.

Be Aware!

Today is Ostomy Awareness Day 2013!!!
Yes, everyday here at MGAS is ostomy awareness day, but today we are challenged to make it nation wide.
I was talking to my sister yesterday about why some in the ostomy community don't watch Grey's Anatomy.
 There was an episode back in 2009 when a young woman was brought into the hospital after being "chopped" by a boat propeller. At one point she is facing another surgery and asks Dr. Yang what the worst outcome would be. Dr. Yang replies that the worst thing would be ending up with a colostomy. The girl reacts like it is a fate worse than death. Later in the episode, Dr. Yang is chastised by Dr. Bailey for threatening the patient with a colostomy bag and Dr. Yang asks her how is she expect to sugar coat a colostomy.
Okay, my recap doesn't do it justice but I'm sure you get the gist.
When I was talking to my sister about this yesterday we discussed how, yeah, that's the reaction we would expect.  Then *epiphone* THATS WHY SPREADING AWARENESS IS SO IMPORTANT.

I know that having an ostomy is not a fate worse than death. My family knows it. My close friends know it. My blog readers know it. But if you don't have one, or know someone who does, how would you know? 

Friends, let's change this stigma. More than half a million Americans are living with an ostomy. Let's do them a favor and raise awareness that it is not a fate worse than death. It is a fate of life, love, family, beauty, health...and so many other things.

Do me a favor and share my blog, follow UOAA's Facebook page, talk to your friends if they don't know what an ostomy is, or spread awareness in your own way.

Leave me a comment on what ostomy awareness means to you.

Let me Explain

I realized that the title of my last post is a little confusing. Sorry!
I have been trying to make a huge decision for the last year. See, when my doctor took out most of my colon, he left a little colon and my rectum. (Different than anus, I promise!) He did that for a couple reasons. First, because it is more dangerous to operate in the pelvic region. Also, so I could have the choice to reattach with my small intestines.
I have that choice.
Either choice has pros and cons.
If I don't reattach, eventually, the rest of my colon and rectum will have to be removed.
If I do, I will almost definitely have to be treated for my Crohn's Disease.
If I don't, the disease might never flare up again, but it might anyway.
With my skin problems, it is tempting to have the surgery to reattach. No more bags attached to my abdomen. Sounds like bliss.
However, the medication I would have to be on for my disease has ugly ugly side affects.

Obviously, I don't have to decide today, or even tomorrow. I do have a scope to check my small intestines for disease coming up on Tuesday. If my small intestines are showing signs of disease, I will have to be on medication anyway...so that might make my decision easier.

Decisions, decisions...

I'm going to start out by acknowledging that I haven't written a post in a while. I could blame it in being busy. The mancub and I traveled to Colorado and I'm still busy with my classes. It would only be a half truth, though. Honestly, I haven't been feeling so bright and shiney lately. I told myself when I started this blog that no one wants to read a post full of complaining. So I waited. I waited to be inspired or to feel like I could write something uplifting and encouraging. 

It never came. Days and weeks passed and I still have a cloud over my head. So I thought, screw it, I'll post anyway. 

Friends, I'm struggling. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but it's true. Physically, I'm dealing with skin issues. My skin is red and sore under my ostomy pouch. I am doing daily changes. Sometimes more than one a day. Along with the physical discomfort, it is causing me mental distress. I am scared to leave the house some days. I just *know* that within hours my pouch will be falling off. 

Am I losing myself? 

Something strange happened when I was in Colorado. I spent a lot of time with some friends I worked with about seven years ago. Two friends, separately, told me that I was different. Not just older, different. Very different. Less carefree. Less confident. Less happy. Basically, everything I prided myself in, is gone. 

How do I get me back?

Is it even possible?