It never came. Days and weeks passed and I still have a cloud over my head. So I thought, screw it, I'll post anyway.
Friends, I'm struggling. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but it's true. Physically, I'm dealing with skin issues. My skin is red and sore under my ostomy pouch. I am doing daily changes. Sometimes more than one a day. Along with the physical discomfort, it is causing me mental distress. I am scared to leave the house some days. I just *know* that within hours my pouch will be falling off.
Am I losing myself?
Something strange happened when I was in Colorado. I spent a lot of time with some friends I worked with about seven years ago. Two friends, separately, told me that I was different. Not just older, different. Very different. Less carefree. Less confident. Less happy. Basically, everything I prided myself in, is gone.
How do I get me back?
Is it even possible?
Elizabeth, how have I missed your blog until now and how did I have no idea you were experiencing such major health problems? Let me start by answering your question "Am I losing myself?" NO you are not losing yourself. You are simply adjusting to the challenges you have been faced with and those challenges naturally come with stress, fear, pain and a whole lotta other confusing emotions that come along with it. Someone who knew you prior to your new medical journey would likely notice a change and not necessarily being a bad thing. To me, it shows you care. You are dedicated to learning about the best way to take care of yourself to maintain being the best you can for you and Emmett. It can take a lot of effort and energy to deal with any medical condition. I'm sure you are the same happy, carefree, confident person you were before you just have new reasons to be happy, carefree and confident. Don't let these physical challenges challenge your spirit. You ARE beautiful and have so much to share with the world and have the world to share with Mancub. I wish you all the best and happiness in your journey that lies ahead. Keep up the blog and remember that everyone has a story...and this is yours. :-)
ReplyDeleteI think it's good to post te good and the bad on a blog. I read a lot of blogs and seeing the circle of events makes them even better. You will be able to show the wonderful when you come out on the other side. Those who read your blog because they can relate will embrace reading when you hit a rough patch and come out shining on the other side.
ReplyDeleteThat said, it is also wonderful to find encouragement from your readers when they know you are in a hard spot. You are opening yourself to advice from those who have been where you are.
Hopefully this post leads to help with the skin and bag problems you listed. I can't offer that kind of advice, but I can send a virtual hug and promise of a prayer from here in the D.R.
I hope you find what you don't even know you were looking for once you are through this rough patch.
I am encouraged by your desire to stay positive. Our thoughts are the start of our feelings and good thoughts breed good feelings, but it is okay to accept that sometimes we just aren't in a good spot.
Hopefully we can run into each other on purpose again sometime and until then I will be a virtual fly on your wall.
You are loved Elizabeth! I can't answer your questions, but I think you are on the right path, and I think that you should continue to post for as long as you want, it may be able to give you the answers you are looking for. If you ever want to talk, I'm here.
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