Drowsiness May Occur

Hey all!

For the past few weeks I have been battling the season's finest. Sore throat, cough, fever, headache, runny nose... I'm practically a walking list-o-symptoms on the DayQuil commercials.  All of this is pretty tolerable. 

Until, that is, I forget to keep hydrated. I'm not sure I have been so miserable since the peak of my illness as when I am sick and dehydrated. Dehydration is serious and dangerous for anyone. 

An ostomate has to be especially careful about hydration. Remember, the colon is the organ that absorbs the water out of a person's diet. Without a colon my body doesn't get all of the fluids from the foods I eat as easily, which brings on dehydration much faster. 

So, friends, drink lots and lots of water! 

Birthdays and Snow

Hey all! Just thought I would pop by with a short update!

Crohn's and Colitis Awareness Week was great! I loved seeing so many interesting articles on Facebook and so many people coming out and talking about their illness. Did you learn anything new?

Another fun part of last week was Mancub's birthday! While he slept we decorated the kitchen table with Mickey Mouse decorations so when he woke up he had a wonderful surprise! His happy little face was the most beautiful thing! He and I went to see Disney's Frozen, which he loved. That night the whole family took him to Chuck E Cheese!

I am so blessed to have this child. At the peak of my illness I was terrified of losing him. He is my reason to keep going, to keep fighting, to better myself every single day.

In other news, it's SNOWING! I love snow. I think it is magical and beautiful. However, I do not like that it makes driving difficult and cancels our holiday ostomy support group meeting! Rats!

THIS is What I'm Talking About!!!

Hey all!

Some great news in the ostomy community! Finally, some positive light shown on someone with an ostomy!

I don't normally watch Tosh.o. When I heard he was featuring an ostomate, I was intrigued. And, to be frank, a little scared. I like to think I have a good sense if humor but I wasn't sure I could handle someone like Daniel Tosh making fun of someone with an ostomy. It is one of those things, to me, that you can make jokes if you have experienced it or are close to it somehow. My illness is not fodder for your comedy! 

So, I took a deep breath and started the episode.

 I have to say, I owe Daniel Tosh a huge apology. The segment is fun and informative and pretty funny!
And, hats off to Laura for sharing and putting herself out there to share her story! 

In case you missed it. Check it out here! Let me know what YOU think.

Also, to view Laura's videos on YouTube you can find those here. She is so sweet and gives great information and tips. 

Crohn's and Colitis Awareness Week!

Crohn's and Colitis Awareness Week is in full swing!

What do President Eisenhower, Shannon Doherty and Mike McCready have in common?
The same thing they have in common with me! We all have/had Crohn's disease.

Crohn's disease is one form of IBD, or Inflammatory Bowel Disease. IBD can affect any or all parts of the digestive tract from mouth to anus. Crohn's Disease is literally the body attacking itself, causing dangerous and painful inflammation. There is no known cause or cure. Symptoms include diarrhea, fever, sores, fatigue... these are just a few.

My experience with Crohn's Disease is recent and resulted in the need for an emergency surgery but this is not the norm.

Please, take the time this week to talk to someone with IBD. (I'm always available!) Talk to someone *about* IBD. Join or follow a Facebook group or Twitter page for more information and education.

27 Years of Thanks

Hey all! 

Happy Thanksgiving!

In honor of the day and my 27th birthday yesterday, I want to share some of what I am thankful for. I am thankful for so many things so I'll share just a few.

There's no other way for this list to start. 

This kid. This boy is what I am most thankful for. He is the reason I get out of bed some days when I'm feeling sorry for myself or feeling like I have forgotten the whole point. He is my motivation to be better than I was yesterday and for tomorrow to be better still. Not to mention, he is silly, fun, challenging, puzzling, heartwarming and reminds me that there's nothing better than playing. 

My parents. I am so thankful to have their support. There's no telling where I would be without their generosity and love. 

My beautiful niece. She is a smart, spunky, and awesome little lady. I am thankful for her existence in my life and in our family. Isn't she adorable?!

!

My older sister. I am thankful that we have become close friends. And that she puts up with me calling her everyday to talk about everything.

My younger sister. I am thankful for her love and friendship and her ability to make an adventure out of our time together. 

My extended family. I've said it before and I'll say it again.  I have the best support system.

My grandma. I Know that she could be included in the above. However, I am extra thankful to her. She and Mancub have a special bond that I am thankful for. 

I am thankful for my friends, old and new. For those I have known since childhood and those I catch up with once in a blue moon. I am thankful for all who have helped me shape my life. 

I am thankful for a group of women, most of whom I have never met, who have been in my life for almost four years. We have experienced pregnancy, childbirth, raising newborns to infants to toddlers to preschoolers. We have laughed together, cried together, mourned together, fought with each other and given endless advice. Together, we have trudged through sickness, loss, house fires, divorce and many other obstacles that life throws at us. All through the power of technology. 

I am thankful for doctors and nurses. Especially those who helped me battle for my life and who continue to help me put myself back together. 

I am thankful for the UOAA, Girls with Guts, CCFA and so many other groups who have been resources for me and others who are living with an ostomy or IBD. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving! 

He Can Fly!

Hey all! Wow, have Mancub and I been busy! We took a weekend trip to the Happiest Place on Earth! So I felt like this was a good time to chat about flying with an ostomy!

When we were in Florida at the UOAA National Conference, my sister and I attended a session led by a TSA representative. She talked to us about our rights as travelers and what to expect through security. I have to say, she eased my mind. Basically, you just have to be forthcoming about having an ostomy, especially if you have to go through the Body Scanner, because it will detect it and you will have to have a pat down. Some travelers also reported having to pat where their ostomy is located and then have their hands swabbed.
Well... I was SO READY to face the TSA with confidence.
However, since I had Mancub with me we were allowed to bypass the scanner and walk through the metal detector. Rats!
With security safely behind me, my traveling was smooth sailing. As long as I emptied my bag before boarding and after landing I was fine. It was no different than my flying experiences before surgery.
**Actually, as many of you know, I am a bigger girl. That, plus my stoma being seatbelt level, I did ask for a belt extension for comfort sake. The attendants were very nice and discreet about this request. :-)

If you have an ostomy, and have experience flying, leave me a comment about your experiences!

Marching to the Beat

Warning: This will be a mommy post!

My mancub has decided he would like to be potty trained. He will be three years old in December. Many-a-family-member have been pushing for me to start training him for months. I even tried a three day potty training during the summer that didn't go very well. After our three days mancub was miserable and panicked any time the potty was mentioned and I was miserable and worn down. I had to force myself to take a step back and really think about who my son is as a person. He comes from very stubborn and independent people. He wasn't going to potty train until it was his idea. I had to back off and respect my sons personality enough to know that he would let me know when he's ready. Saturday started out normal. We woke up and ate breakfast then got dressed and came back upstairs to play. While he was playing he found a portable potty seat that hadn't been opened yet. He approached me and told me that he wanted to use it. I told him that big boys who wear undies use the toilet. He was all for it!

I won't be that mom who describes every little detail but things are going very well, so far. I know he might decide that he has changed his mind and there will be some rough days but I am so proud of my boy. 

Three cheers for Mancub!!!

We looked so cute on Halloween, no?

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween to all (both?) of my readers!!

Now that Mancub is almost a 3 year old, I am looking forward to Halloween festivities more than I have in the past several years. He is dressing up like Jake, from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. SO CUTE.

To all my friends, have a great and safe night, no matter what your plans are.
To my fellow ostomates, remember to chew, chew, chew, as lots of halloween candy contains nuts! (Also, remember that red 40 will come out red on the other end, so don't freak out that you may be bleeding to death. Just trust me.)

Milestone of a sort

It finally happened today! Public stoma noise!!!!
Hahahahahaha!!!
Okay, I can't say that I have never had stoma noise while outside of my house before. I have. We all have. Today was the first day for it to happen in a quiet classroom. I was sitting in my Hospitality Law class, typing my notes and "bbbrrrrrrrrrrr" went my side. I quickly put a hand over it to stifle any additional noise. It took all of my will power not to start giggling. What can I say, I'm a tad immature. I'm 80% sure no one heard/cared/knew what it was.
For those who do not have ostomies: stoma noise is passing gas. It happens to everyone. Everybody Poops Farts. The average person has, shall we say, different ways of withholding their flatulence. I, and others with ostomies, do not.
Generally I have it worked out so that this is not an issue and I'll get back to that. Soon after surgery, everyone has a lot of gas. After some time your body figures itself out and the constant loud embarrassing gas isn't generally a problem. The same things will cause gas in ostomates; broccoli, beans, greasy foods. I was also told to be careful with chewing gum and soda because of all the extra air they introduce into the system. Now, just like everything, no one is the same as the person next to them. Different foods cause problems for different people.
Like I said, I have it worked out pretty well that I don't have ostomy issues in public, especially at school. For me, I have the most "activity" in the mornings. I have found that I can avoid excessive gas and/or filling up my pouch while I'm in class by drinking water right after I wake up to get things "moving." I also try to eat breakfast before class. I have less gas if I have something in my stomach. Once I get to school I can empty my pouch and go to class without having to worry about getting up in the middle of lecture. I have a break for lunch and empty again before the next class.
It is really important to me to have this schedule. It helps me have peace of mind when I'm at school. I'm still pretty new to this lifestyle and I like feeling like I have some control over my day.

Scope it Out

A short update!
I had a scope done yesterday through my stoma. Since I have been experiencing symptoms that could be the Crohn's Disease (or just tummy aches and diarrhea) my doctor ordered the scope to take a look at my small intestines to see if there is any inflammation. I'll tell you one thing, not having to do a bowel prep is a nice change. I had to be on a clear liquid diet on the day before and nothing the day of the procedure. (They let me cheat and have water up until 4 hours prior because of my tendency to dehydrate extremely quickly.)

Great news! Everything that they could see in the 25cm of intestine that they checked, looks perfect. I am ordered to do a CT scan and follow-up appointment, but I am grateful for the uplifting news.

Be Aware!

Today is Ostomy Awareness Day 2013!!!
Yes, everyday here at MGAS is ostomy awareness day, but today we are challenged to make it nation wide.
I was talking to my sister yesterday about why some in the ostomy community don't watch Grey's Anatomy.
 There was an episode back in 2009 when a young woman was brought into the hospital after being "chopped" by a boat propeller. At one point she is facing another surgery and asks Dr. Yang what the worst outcome would be. Dr. Yang replies that the worst thing would be ending up with a colostomy. The girl reacts like it is a fate worse than death. Later in the episode, Dr. Yang is chastised by Dr. Bailey for threatening the patient with a colostomy bag and Dr. Yang asks her how is she expect to sugar coat a colostomy.
Okay, my recap doesn't do it justice but I'm sure you get the gist.
When I was talking to my sister about this yesterday we discussed how, yeah, that's the reaction we would expect.  Then *epiphone* THATS WHY SPREADING AWARENESS IS SO IMPORTANT.

I know that having an ostomy is not a fate worse than death. My family knows it. My close friends know it. My blog readers know it. But if you don't have one, or know someone who does, how would you know? 

Friends, let's change this stigma. More than half a million Americans are living with an ostomy. Let's do them a favor and raise awareness that it is not a fate worse than death. It is a fate of life, love, family, beauty, health...and so many other things.

Do me a favor and share my blog, follow UOAA's Facebook page, talk to your friends if they don't know what an ostomy is, or spread awareness in your own way.

Leave me a comment on what ostomy awareness means to you.

Let me Explain

I realized that the title of my last post is a little confusing. Sorry!
I have been trying to make a huge decision for the last year. See, when my doctor took out most of my colon, he left a little colon and my rectum. (Different than anus, I promise!) He did that for a couple reasons. First, because it is more dangerous to operate in the pelvic region. Also, so I could have the choice to reattach with my small intestines.
I have that choice.
Either choice has pros and cons.
If I don't reattach, eventually, the rest of my colon and rectum will have to be removed.
If I do, I will almost definitely have to be treated for my Crohn's Disease.
If I don't, the disease might never flare up again, but it might anyway.
With my skin problems, it is tempting to have the surgery to reattach. No more bags attached to my abdomen. Sounds like bliss.
However, the medication I would have to be on for my disease has ugly ugly side affects.

Obviously, I don't have to decide today, or even tomorrow. I do have a scope to check my small intestines for disease coming up on Tuesday. If my small intestines are showing signs of disease, I will have to be on medication anyway...so that might make my decision easier.

Decisions, decisions...

I'm going to start out by acknowledging that I haven't written a post in a while. I could blame it in being busy. The mancub and I traveled to Colorado and I'm still busy with my classes. It would only be a half truth, though. Honestly, I haven't been feeling so bright and shiney lately. I told myself when I started this blog that no one wants to read a post full of complaining. So I waited. I waited to be inspired or to feel like I could write something uplifting and encouraging. 

It never came. Days and weeks passed and I still have a cloud over my head. So I thought, screw it, I'll post anyway. 

Friends, I'm struggling. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but it's true. Physically, I'm dealing with skin issues. My skin is red and sore under my ostomy pouch. I am doing daily changes. Sometimes more than one a day. Along with the physical discomfort, it is causing me mental distress. I am scared to leave the house some days. I just *know* that within hours my pouch will be falling off. 

Am I losing myself? 

Something strange happened when I was in Colorado. I spent a lot of time with some friends I worked with about seven years ago. Two friends, separately, told me that I was different. Not just older, different. Very different. Less carefree. Less confident. Less happy. Basically, everything I prided myself in, is gone. 

How do I get me back?

Is it even possible?

The Power of Support

You're looking at Metro Maryland Ostomy Association's newest member!

I have finally taken the step to join my local ostomy support group.
I thought I would feel uncomfortable because these groups are generally an older crowd. But then I thought... seriously? I am worried about older people? I LOVE older people!
I was right, of course, there was no reason to be worried at all. everyone was friendly right off the bat. When I stood up to introduce myself, I noticed a familiar face. One of my WOCNs (wound, ostomy and continence nurse) from my surgery was there! She recognized me right away. (Still trying to decide if that's a good thing or if I was an exceptional pain in the ass patient.)
At this particular meeting we separated into groups based on the type of ostomy you have; ileostomy, colostomy or urostomy. I sat with the other 8 or 9 people who have ileostomies. We talked about everything from clothing options to health insurance problems.
It really was comfortable and reassuring to sit down and speak with people of all ages, race, economical status who share this situation.

Last night, I had dinner with my cousin. (Hey, S!) Her dad, my uncle, has been through an eerily similar sickness and surgery. He has recently had additional surgeries to get a j-pouch. Talking to her made me realize a very important thing. It is very important for people with ostomies to seek support, but it is equally important for friends and family to have support and community, as well. Those who went under the knife are not the only ones whose lives were thrown upside down. An ostomate's spouse, children, parents, siblings, etc... all had their lives and realities changed.
I am hoping, in the near future, to have feature blog posts written by other ostomates, friends, and family.

Happy Stomaversary to ME!

I have thought about this post for a couple days now. What would I say? How should I approach this milestone? Humor? Sadness? Should I attempt to express how much my life has changed or focus on how grateful I am to be alive? Should I recount the details I remember? Should I let my family tell the story?
I'm just gonna wing it.

Hello from the ICU!

One year ago I almost died. I'm okay with that. I have come to terms with that. Most days I can accept that I will never be the same person that I was 366 days ago. My body will always show scars. My digestive system will always be incomplete.

I will always be aware of pain, changes in my stool, sores in my mouth. Words have been added to my vocabulary. Ostomy, Crohn's Disease, fistula, resection, stoma.

I will forever be watching my son, looking for signs that I have unwittingly passed on this disease to him. I harbor a fear of living on my own. I fear that I won't be able to properly care for my son if I get sick again. I worry about the medications that I know are in my future. My mind sometimes swarms with cancer statistics of Crohn's Disease patients.

 But I'm here, I can walk, talk, play, drive, and live my life.

Two days ago I found myself in the emergency room with abdominal pain, diarrhea and nausea. I'm not gonna lie, things like that really terrify me. I could have a blockage, infection, flare up... Who knows. This is my reality now. 

I'm so grateful to have lived. 

Me and Mancub 9/5/13 Today is a Good Day.

Things have happened this past year that make me proud. Proud to be a mom, sister, daughter. It hasn't been perfect. Recovery is a long process and I'm not 100% yet. 

My life will be forever changed. And That's Okay. I have a chance to live. To learn new things To educate others on this disease and condition. I can make new friends who I otherwise would never have met, simply because we share this lifestyle now. 

 I'm looking forward to all the years and stomaversaries ahead.

Shout Out to Awestomy!

I want to give a shout out to the Awestomy Kickstarter Project.

One of the biggest struggles I have faced since my surgery is figuring out what to wear and how to wear it. My stoma is pretty high so it is difficult to tuck my pouch into my clothes like many other ostomates do. I wear low pants and long shirts and let my pouch hang over my pants. These undies by Awestomy help ostomates like me to feel more secure. I am really excited to try a wrap!

First Day of the Rest of My Life

I was sitting on campus in between classes today and a realization hit me. I am lucky to be here. This time last year I was dying. I was fighting for my life. I am fortunate to be here, among smelly boys and loud girls, the smells of lunch and heat from the day. A short year ago there was no guarantee that I would ever be able to return to school. There was no guarantee that I was going to even live through the day.

Be grateful for every single day, friends. Every single one.

Back to School

This week I am going back to school for the first time in over a year. I was enrolled in classes last year when I became sick, so I had to drop them all.
I am excited and nervous. Excited to be taking Hospitality courses and furthering my knowledge in the industry.
See, I was engaged once and planned my whole wedding. Although the wedding didn't end up happening, I had had so much fun and loved every second of planning and coordinating an event. I knew I had found what I wanted to do with my life.

I am also a bundle of nerves. This will be my first time in school as an ostomate. There is so much more to think about now.
Do I tell my teachers right away in case I should have to leave the room for an extended period of time?
Should I get a doctors note?
How much extra supplies should I bring and where should I keep them?
Should I bring extra clothes? Where would I keep those?
Is this something I want to tell other classmates about?

Any advice? Anything I didn't think of, but should have? Please leave me a comment!

On the GO. (See what I did there?)

I have always loved to travel. Some of my greatest memories from childhood involve sitting in the back seat of our car with my sisters on one road trip or another. (Or the front seat once it became known that I would get car sick if I sat in the back too long!)

Traveling with an ostomy has been a completely new experience.
*These are simply examples from my recent trip. I haven't flown yet, so this won't include air travel observations.*

Bring extra supplies! I ended up bringing way more than I needed but it gave me peace of mind to know that I had enough for 4-5 changes per day. (Hey, you never know!)

Empty frequently. When driving, we stopped more than we normally would have to make sure I could empty my bag. Sitting in the car with a full bag is a very uncomfortable feeling, and would probably cause leaks!

Be aware of what you're eating. You're on vacation! Your diet may be totally different than what your body is used to. Be ready for a change in output as a result of diet changes. This could affect wear time and how you are feeling overall.

Be aware of what you're drinking. On my cruise I drank more alcoholic beverages than I normally would. This changes output and also makes me sleep a little deeper. I had to be aware that I may have to get up to empty in the middle of the night.

Beware the non-flushing toilets! My sister got to hear for two weeks straight, me bitching and complaining that every toilet in every room we stayed in could not seem to flush properly. I was seriously waiting for toilet bowls to fill back up so I could flush again three or four times sometimes! The problem, for you folks without ileostomies, is that my output is not solid but not liquid but some magic consistency in between. (Sorry about that image!) Because of this, it often will pool at the bottom of the bowl and needs a good forceful wave of water to get it to move. Not many hotel toilets have this wave. More of a gentle trickle, if you're lucky. Just enough to cause RAGE! Haha! Fear not, fellow ostomates! I have discovered a solution. Simply put down a layer of tp or a tissue before emptying and Presto! Problem solved. Two flushes at most.

I will post again about air travel next month. Colorado, ready or not, here I come!

A-Cation!

I'm baaaaaaaack.

Phew! That was quite a vacation! Or a-cation as Mancub would say.
 I won't go into all the crazy details because 1. That would take forever and 2. It would bore you all to tears.

I will, however, give you a quick recap.

My sister, Beppa, and I started our vacation at the 4th National UOAA conference. I posted about the first day! Beppa and I met some new friends (hey guys!) and learned new things about ostomies, people with ostomies and ourselves. It was my first conference, obviously, because my surgery was less than a year ago. I found myself amazed at how many people have been living with ostomies for decades. You can't even tell!
I definitely want to delve into the details and my thoughts on them but I'll save that for another post.

Beppa and Mama with the Colossal Colon! Affectionately called CoCo.

Beppa and I left the conference a day and a half early ::sad face:: to drive to Fort Lauderdale to board the Oasis of the Seas! ::HAPPY FACE::
There we met up with our parents, our sister with her husband and baby daughter, and my Mancub!
As a family, we have been on two previous cruises (all Royal Caribbean) so we pretty much knew the drill. Cruising with young kids is a WHOLE new experience. You have to pack extra, schedule your time carefully and forget about lounging on a deck chair for hours with a good book.
But it was worth it.
I enjoyed the other two cruises we had taken. (2004 and 2011) I was a little worried that my son would have a terrible time and make it impossible to do anything fun.
I was so wrong.
Yes, I had to wing much of our days. Yes, the long dinners were a struggle for his two-year-old attention span.
It was the most fun I have ever had on a cruise ship. I got to take him into the ocean by the beach where my sister and brother-in-law were married in 2011. I got to take him to a figure skating show and diving show. He got to splash around in the splash zone on the ship. We were able to go to a room full of Fisher Price toys and play. We went to a small zoo and fed Animal Crackers to the monkeys. I am definitely not a "no technology" kind of mom, but it was nice to spend a week without his shows and my iPhone. Most days he even napped in the middle of the day. WOOHOO!

Our room attendant LOVED him and tried to be around after she made him towel animals so she could see how excited he was!

If you know anything about my family, you know we are BIG into Disney.
Sooooo, when my sister called me one day and said "Since we're going to be in Florida ANYWAY, what do you think of getting a resort room for a couple nights and hitting the parks?!" I was like "HELL YEAH!"
So we did.
As crazy as it sounds, we did. We (my sisters, brother-in-law, and the kiddos) disembarked from the ship and drove three hours to Orlando to check into the Arts of Animation resort. Our room was Lion King themed and was perfect for a family with kids. We took off for Hollywood Studios that evening to catch the Disney Jr. Live Show, which I knew would make Mancubs head explode with excitement. Much to our delight, Jake from Jake and the Neverland Pirates was there signing autographs and taking pictures!
Jake is Mancub's FAVORITE.
Just look at the excitement on this kid's face. You can't beat that.

He loved the Disney Jr. Live Show, which I highly recommend to any parent with a kid who watches Disney Jr. shows.

The next morning my brother-in-law had to take off to get home for work so it was just the sisters and kids. We decided to spend the day at the Magic Kingdom. The New Fantasyland is really awesome! It was the perfect day to end a truly amazing trip.  

There's my "quick" recap. In all the excitement I didn't have time to write a post but I figure it was for the best. Vacationing with my son is so fun. He makes everything so special.
Next post I want to talk more about vacationing with an ostomy. It definitely brought up some challenges.

We're here!

I am so excited! My sister and I arrived, earlier today, in Jacksonville for the UOAA's 4th National Conference!

Tomorrow, we have a full day of classes, as well as a first timers orientation and an ice cream social! 

I will update here as often as I can! Cheers!

Apology from Cincinnati

The Cincinnati police chief has issued an apology.
Here's the back story. 

I appreciate the gesture. I accept the apology and my anger has diminished.

However, along with an apology to the ostomy community, how about we all also use this as a chance to educate the public.

Those of us with ostomies already know it is okay. We already know we're not gross. We already know we can, and do, live normal lives. We already know that this isn't preventing normal relationships.

We're not the only ones who should be apologized to. The general public deserves an apology for being exposed to ignorance and falsehoods.

To the Ostomy Community:

 Like many American cities, Cincinnati has seen an increase in the number of juveniles involved in violent crime.  Many of these juveniles become victims and suffer traumatic injuries as a result.  In developing a strategy we contacted a local hospital trauma center which has a presentation that illustrates some life changing consequences of gun violence.  Unfortunately, one of the examples used was of a gunshot victim who was now required to utilize a colostomy bag; and the news chose to highlight a poorly chosen comment by a Police Lieutenant when airing the story.  To use the example of an ostomy bag in this way was a mistake.  Although there was no ill will intended, the results were hurtful to some in the ostomy community and this will not be repeated.

 I realize the way the news story was presented has offended many in the ostomy community, and for this I am truly sorry.  As a result of the numerous contacts I received, I have taken steps to ensure this does not happen again.  I have spoken to the Lieutenant involved in the story and his commander.  Both are extremely troubled that such a well-meaning attempt to reduce the number of juveniles involved in gun violence offended so many.  I addressed this with my command staff and Public Information Office to ensure we are all educated on the issue and to prevent any future occurrences.  I also contacted Mr. Jeff Brogan, General Manager of WCPO regarding this issue. 

 I have attempted to individually answer emails, but I wanted to send a clearer message to everyone in the ostomy community.  I am very sorry this happened and will work to ensure it does not happen in the future.  I assure you this was a mistake on the part of well-meaning individuals and not a deliberate attempt to offend anyone. 

 I hope you will accept this apology on behalf of the Cincinnati Police Department.

 Sincerely,

Paul H. Humphries
Interim Police Chief
Cincinnati Police Department

The Silver Lining

I'm alive

Whenever I start to get down on myself about having a chronic disease and an ostomy I try to remind myself that I am alive.

Also...

• No more flare-up pain. (So far.)
• I don't have to blame a fart smell on the dogs...or the baby!
• Community. I have met many great people who are dealing with the same struggles.
• Knowledge. I know my body better now than I ever had. I know that I can and will push my limitations. I know how to care for a wound. I know what your insides look like! 

The best thing about this ostomy is...

that I still get to kiss this face, and hear his laugh, and be his mommy. 

That's what it's all about, right?

The Clouds

How has my life changed since my surgery?
I'm going to start with the not-so-fun parts of being an ostomate.

• I'm scared to go swimming. I love swimming and there are many ostomates who do swim but I'm always afraid of compromising my appliance.
• Leaks. Code brown. Poop, everywhere. Need I say more?
• Worry. Will I get a hernia if I pick that heavy thing up? If I fall asleep now, will the bag leak? Can I shower without the bag falling off in a couple hours? If I eat this, will it cause a painful blockage? If I wear that shirt will everyone see my bag?
• Blockages. Even small ones make me miserable.
• Stoma noise. Yes, I still pass gas. And sometimes it makes a noise. Pretty embarrassing.

This is why.

This is why I'm here.

I truly understand the thought that if you show a bunch of young criminals what can happen to their bodies if they are injured, they might think twice about their behavior. I get it. I admire the desire to reach these young people on a different level. I really do. Really. 

I do not, however, condone the use of ostomies for this purpose. Yes, some ostomies are necessary because of injury. Yes, some of those injuries might be caused by crime. 

I, and many others, have these because of health. I didn't shoot anyone. I have never been shot. I do not limp and I certainly don't think that this will make me repulsive to the opposite sex. 

I love my ostomy. It saved my life. 

Stoma?

Okay, scary part is over. Phew! That was much harder to write than I thought it would be.
I think I'll take a quick moment to explain what a stoma is. Or, at least what mine is.

I have an end ileostomy. The ileum is the very end of my small intestines that the doctor pulled to the surface of my abdomen and folded the ends over and stitched to my skin. This lovely little lump of intestine sticking out is called a stoma!

Since surgery, my quality of life has definitely improved. The flare ups are gone and "knock on wood" I haven't even gotten a cold!

The Stoma Story - Part 3

I put off writing this post for a while. I will never, ever forget this time of my life. Thinking back on those days gives me almost a panic. I am so lucky. If you don't believe in luck, you could say there was divine intervention or that fate took over.
I should call it My Very Own Series of Fortunate Events.

August 2012
If I went back and looked at my hospital records I bet I could tell you exactly how many times I went to the ER last summer. I have honestly forgotten the exact number. I think four. It started with a flare up and muscle soreness. Then I started developing sores in my mouth. I had enough sores that I couldn't really eat. The doctors at the ER told me that I had hand, foot and mouth disease. They sent me home and told me that it would go away in a few days. Well, a few days later I was back at the ER, severely dehydrated because I couldn't swallow. Hand, foot and mouth. They sent me home with "magic mouthwash." It numbed my mouth long enough for me to take a few sips of water. Soon after the fevers started. My first fever spiked to 102. There were days that the fever would spike, I would take Tylenol, the fever would break leaving me covered in sweat, and then the fever would spike again...rinse and repeat. I found myself too sick to travel to my sisters baby shower that I had planned. I spent the day in bed, trying to drink Gatorade and whole milk so my body could have some nutrients. I was up to taking Percocet every few hours to break the fever and relieve the pain. Finally, I made an appointment with my GI doctor.
My mom drove me to the appointment because I was so weak. I couldn't sit up in the exam room. I will never forget the look on my doctors face when he saw me sitting there, mouth full of sores, white and shaking from malnutrition. He told me to go to the hospital right away and that he would call and guarantee that I was admitted.
I spent a week in the hospital getting steroids and pain meds with little improvement. The doctor decided to do another colonoscopy to see how bad things looked and decide on a plan of action. At this point, the worry was that I was misdiagnosed with ulcerative colitis and that I actually had Crohn's Disease. I was put under for the colonoscopy. When I woke up I immediately knew something was wrong. I was put into a private room for recovery and was told that a surgeon was going to come speak to me. They allowed my dad to come in at that point.
The surgeon came in and spoke like many surgeons do. Very point blank and abrasive. He told me that the GI didn't complete my colonoscopy because my colon was in such bad shape. He said I was to be put on a liquid diet to give my colon a little bit of a rest. He told me and my father that I would have to have a picc line put in and that I was going to start being treated with strong immunosuppressants to try to aggressively treat this disease.
September 5, 2012
What were you doing that day?
My day started with a picc line. A picc line is like an IV but sturdier. The tube is placed with the assistance of an ultrasound machine and goes through a vein all the way to your heart. Because the placement has to be perfect, it is double checked with an X-ray. That picc line and X-ray changed my life. Saved my life, actually. Whoever looked at the X-ray noticed something off, something wrong, something terrifying. They discovered "free air" in my abdomen. My colon had perforated.
My colon had perforated.
There was a hole on the lining of my colon.
Bacteria was seeping and leaking into my normally pristine abdomen.
Bacteria that could cause infection.
Bacteria that would kill me if not taken care of quickly.
I was immediately prepped for surgery.

This is where I'll take a break. I'm typing through tears. That day was the worst day of my life as well as a not so bad day.
*spoiler* I didn't die. I could have. I would have if not for that X-ray.

The Stoma Story - Part 2

I vividly remember sitting in the GI's office and looking at brochures that he had displayed on the wall. I had noticed the one titled Crohn's Disease and thought "I don't even know what that is." I had no idea it was a digestive issue. I had heard it mentioned on tv commercials for different medications but that was it.
The doctor came in and gave me an exam and then sat down to talk about my medical history. He was especially interested in the part where I wrote about my grandfathers colon cancer and my moms history of polyps. He recommended I get a colonoscopy. A colonoscopy is when a doctor puts a camera up your butt to take a look at your colon. I'll talk about how much fun colonoscopies are another day. Skip to- my doctor found ulcers on my colon. If you're lucky, maybe I'll dig up the photos!
I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis.
I was put on a medication that I would have to take three times a day.
Over the next year, I was in and out of the ER with flare ups. They would give me pain meds and steroids and send me home.
Then, in August 2012, everything changed.

The Stoma Story - Part 1

I should start this journey of ours by explaining how I came to have a stoma.
**WARNING** This story is a prime example of TMI. If you faint easily, do not read. Or, if you get really grossed out by reading about poop. Come to think of it, I will probably write about poop a lot. You, poop haters, will not feel welcome here. (Though you totally are, because everyone is!)

Anywho...

It all started with the birth of my son, Mancub. They cut that little (huge) sucker right out of me and sent me home with my new offspring and some awesome pain meds. Yay! As you probably can imagine, recovering from a c-section is just about as much fun as...well, recovering from major abdominal surgery. On top of the other really disgusting vomit-inducing wonderful side effects of childbirth, I began to experience poop issues. I'm talkin' run-to-the-bathroom-because-I-might-not-make-it kind of issues. Then came the blood. Doctors say "Well, Mama, you just had a ten and a half pound baby, you have hemorrhoids!" Then came the mucous. See, this is where I'll lose the weak stomachs. Yes, mucous. In my poop. Doctors still told me not to worry about it. Then came the pain. I can't even describe the stomach pain. Every time I had a bowel movement there would be pain. Finally, I was referred to a Gastrointestinal doctor, or GI.

Willkommen Bienvenue Welcome

This is my very first post. How do you like it so far? You comfortable? Can I get you anything? No? Okay, let's move on then.

 "Why write a blog, Mama?" You may ask, in, what I assume is a genuinely curious tone. Simple answer- because I feel like it. Not-so-simple answer- I'm hoping to spread awareness for other people with ostomies and become part of the ostomy sufferers cool kids club. As a new ostomate, I have discovered that it is not rare to walk around with a bag attached to one's abdomen! But nobody is freaking talking about it! That's the thing about this Mama, I like to talk. A lot. And I want to talk about this. I want to talk about how this disease and surgery have changed my life. I want to talk about how having an ostomy has affected my self image and self esteem. I want to talk about how it has and will continue to affect my son. I want to talk about relationships, family and work.

So, let's talk.